I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
