he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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