Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
