You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
