At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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