she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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