yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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