Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
