i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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