Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
