Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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