Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
