I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
