I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
