Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
