So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I didn't notice because vodka
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
