Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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