You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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