Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
