matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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