I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
