i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
