how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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