He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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