i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
