Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
