So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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