So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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