Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
