Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She even gives head with a lisp.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
