I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
