you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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