the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
