Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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