A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize