i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
