I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
