I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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