went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
