I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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