My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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