how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
whose ass print is on the piano?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
