The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
MIDGETS
????
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
