my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
