I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
