I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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