I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
