God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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