So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
why is half of my head shaved?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
