Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize