I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize