I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
