I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
