____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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