tequila makes me forget i have legs
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
