That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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