it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize