Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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