So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
