I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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