I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
