did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
