We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
