Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize