So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
