Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
