Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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