I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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