She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
