just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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