people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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