I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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