Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize